April 27
Amends
"Many of us peep ahead to Steps Eight and Nine and sense that we have amends to make to various people, including our parents, who have harmed us as children. Oftentimes this harm is the vulgar act of incest, physical abuse, or mental and emotional abuse by sick parents or caregivers." BRB p. 109
When some of us looked ahead at Steps Eight and Nine, we couldn't understand how we owed amends to our perpetrators. The very idea was unthinkable.
But what we didn't realize was that we were not going to be asked to make amends to unsafe people, and we certainly were not going to be asked to make amends for things we had no control over.
In ACA, we learn that the amends we are responsible for are the things we've done as adults, which usually have their origins in our childhood abuse. However, whether we actually make direct amends is a personal choice, because it is not always a safe thing to do. This is why we look for guidance from those who have already been on this road. If, with their help, we decide we cannot make direct amends to some people, we learn that indirect amends can be made, which includes becoming the person we were meant to be.
On this day, before I make amends to potentially unsafe people, I will first seek the guidance of my sponsor or my other fellow travelers. An indirect amend may be more appropriate in many cases.
Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 122
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