(Authors Note: A short poem about a dismissive phrase I've heard a few times, sometimes from well-meaning people.)
Get over it:
three of the ugliest words I have heard,
spoken only by those who cannot hear the heart.
I first heard it from a preacher.
I forget the context.
But I never trusted him with my heart.
I remember my first stitches.
I was three years old.
My mom didn’t tell me to get over it.
Instead, she calmed me
and comforted me
and distracted me
while the doctor sewed the stitches.
I grew up with domestic violence in the home.
Some have told me to get over it or to just forgive.
But the faulty foundation will not just go away.
I must dismantle and rebuild.
This takes time and energy and grief.
I will not just get over it.
I will face the ugly truth with integrity.
I will walk through the agony, not bypass it.
I was betrayed by toxic theologians.
I thought they were my friends.
But when I stood my ground on one issue,
they attacked and condemned and cast me out.
They violated my trust.
I lost my entire social circle.
I will not just get over it.
I will process the pain and grow through it.
And I will exercise care in who I trust.
I lost my brother,
my one remaining sibling,
to suicide –
an incomprehensible decision.
I will not just get over it.
I love him too much for that.
I will mourn him.
I will honor him.
I will hold him in my heart.
I will not rush the process.
I will not pretend.
I will not forget.
When someone says, “Get over it”,
this is what I hear:
I don’t want to hear about it.
I will not walk with you through your trauma.
I want you to protect me from your grief.
I want you to play fantasyland with me.
You must conform to my expectations
and pretend that nothing in life troubles you.
Absolutely not!
I will not play make-believe games.
I will not protect illusions.
I will struggle forward and grow.
I will face the monsters.
I will not sidestep reality.
I will not shrink.
I will take the next step forward.
I will practice emotional integrity.
I will honor truth in my heart.
– Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)
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