Select Page

“We are much like other people” in fellowship. In practical terms, the AA program’s view that “we are in this together” and “we are the resources that are there for each other” is a baseline I can make use of, whether I ever was a drinker or addict or not.

When the AA program started in 1935, there weren’t any social services designed to detox, treat, or rehabilitate substance abusers and restore them to normal functioning. Alcoholics were considered to be human write-offs, morally defective people who could never be trusted again. The idea, “we can help one another”, was revolutionary—and the fact that this approach worked—was a giant surprise to those who had written them off.

If alcoholics could be restored to become self-responsible members of the community, didn’t this challenge a lot of old ideas in society? Doesn’t it still?

 
Fight, flee, hide reactions are usually automatic responses to triggers. Old ideas about what is or isn’t possible for myself—or for others—trigger my survival instincts, make me react out of fear that I won’t get something I need or that something I have will be taken away. In practice, my old ideas about what is possible or what might happen are outlooks I apply without thinking, day to day: “I always do this” or “I never do (or think) that”.

In Steps Nine, and also in Step Ten that follows, it is my choice to reflect on my standards and the behaviors I do or expect. If I want to keep my “always and never” rules as my allies, my goal is to realistically free up my internalized views about what’s possible in a world where practical miracles really happen.

Do I want to believe fellowship among trustworthy peers can be possible? Is it safe to live out of principles such as: “I love; I am loyal; I am faithful, kind, clear-headed, brave, resourceful, fun to do things with,” in the care of a Higher Power who can manage my fate? What are some markers I can ask for in relationships that will help me build this living trust that recovery is real—a reality I share—day to day?

  
In Step Nine, my goal is to try new behaviors that affirm what I want to build toward instead of just fighting off old patterns. I reparent myself with patience and persistence, with humor and compassion.

  
Is this fun? It gets to be. Gradual progress is progress.

KATHLEEN S.

Translate »