“Gradual Progress Is Progress.” I face unpleasant circumstances as the motivation for joining a 12-Step program (or going to therapy, where I am referred to one, as a follow-up for that work). Do adverse experiences end when I come to recognize them? Wouldn’t that be a delightful surprise! But usually getting a glimpse of the “effects” of adverse experiences—in childhood or whenever/wherever they’ve occurred—is only the first part of regaining my personal potential. Step Ten is a phase of recovery—ongoing, day at a time—where I am free to gradually re-own my personal rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. How can I do this—especially if I can’t leave where I am or change much of what I’m obliged to do, day to day?
Here are some guidelines to try:
- I reclaim my right to my point of view. I can do this internally, without saying a word to anybody else. I can validate what I see with my eyes, what I hear, what I smell, and I can admit to myself how it feels, in my body, to be here, doing what-ever it is that’s my daily routine. This honors and builds my authentic space.
- I can share my perceptions with a Power Accessible to Me or with an inner guide—as a dialogue inside myself. I discover I have internal populations that self-talk to me: the Inner child (or children of different ages), the Critical Parent, a Loving Parent are just some of the cast of characters I can identify. Do I realize that I can talk back to these? I can ask them to share their points of view (which are all “faces” of me, after all!). I can use Step Ten to consciously ask my Higher Power to be present and to moderate these internal discussions going on—while doing the dishes or performing my routine tasks on the job. I build my personal presence this way. It’s my right to do this. I can give myself a check list.
- In Step Ten, I continue to take personal inventory . . . on whatever goals I choose to set for myself. These can be whatever I want them to be—but if I want to reparent myself lovingly to be more effective, day to day, it helps to make these goals achievable, day to day. If my check list says, for example, “I want to have $10 million dollars,” I do myself a favor if I add, “by when?”, and put in a realistic timeframe as part of that objective. This gives me an idea—an aim—but it doesn’t set me up for self-attack on each day that I haven’t gotten there—yet. The timeframe won’t be the same for everyone, and certainly goals and priorities can and do change. In Step Ten, I’m in charge.
KATHLEEN S.