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(Becoming my true good self.)


For as long as I can remember, I believed that if I did good things, that would mean I was a good person. Even as a small child, I felt the urgent need to be known as good. I followed the rules, made good grades, did my chores, etc.

Unfortunately for me, stemming from an environment of chaos, dysfunction, and addiction, I didn’t realize until I was older that being considered good meant taking on responsibilities that a child should not have to take on. That created a lot of stress and from that stress came resentment and from that resentment came acting out.

It was not until many years later, after getting involved with recovery, I learned that doing good does not, in fact, equate to being good. Being good evolves from many things like intention, motive, and self-reflection. Before I learned this, even when I did good things my motives were usually selfish and self-driven. There were times when I did really bad things just so I could use that to highlight the good.

When I started doing good things for the benefit of others is when I started truly being a good person. Not concerned with acknowledgment or receiving credit, I started doing things that made the lives of others better or easier.

Truly being good, rather than just doing good, provides me with a peacefulness within my spirit. I find that when truly being good, my life is also inadvertently better and easier. 

Heather

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