When I was a child and got into trouble for misbehavior, I would promise to “do” better. In recovery in ACA, I want to “be” better. I want to be my authentic self instead of making empty promises and continuing to pretend to be someone else.
I want to talk about what happened to me and to others with discernment and clarity so I can understand how those events shaped me into a false version of myself. I want to trust others, and myself, to face the truth without shame. I want to feel my feelings and accept that they are normal and not mistakes. I want to talk about my feelings to help make them real and to reduce their power to influence my behaviors.
I cannot do these things alone. Part of our serenity prayer says, “the courage to change the one I can”, but I have never been successful in changing myself alone. I need the support of the ACA program of recovery, my fellow travelers, and a higher power of my own; a power that I do not have to understand.
As I begin a “new” year, I make a commitment to work my program as best I can, but to accept the fact that I will make mistakes that will give me opportunities to be better. I will return the love of my higher power that I receive through other people by helping others find their own path to recovery and self-love. I will continue trying to accept myself, approve of myself, and love myself because I am worthy just the way I am, flaws and all, and so are those others.
In love and service,
Brad H