Amends

To amend. Not to amend. 
Sounds like a footnote. Something not very important.
Also sounds a bit like sewing repair. Hmm…

It seems amends within 12-step programs are an incredibly vital tool. 
When I feel bad about something, how it went, what I said,
I can make amends to keep my slate clean. 
To say I see some old behavior has creeped in, and I don’t want that.
Don’t want the energy from that, it is not healthy for me. 

I never want to go backwards and fill up that city or state size sack of stuff 
that I let go of in my 4th and 5th steps. Want to keep my side of the street clean.
Amends often turn out to be for me. The other person didn’t notice, or it wasn’t important to them.
It was important to me, and set me back on my path of recovery once again. 
Next right step. Making amends for when old thinking slips in and takes over. 
I have unlearned a LOT of “old thinking.” 

My life runs a lot more smoothly with that old thinking re-mapped into “new thinking,” 
program tools, meetings to keep me in my right mind - and regularly!
Book studies, fellow travelers to talk with, reason things out with. 
Friends, love, kindness, caring. Holding hands and heading toward the light.
I’ll take another day of that! And another day, and another day!

My amend to myself was moving out of state! Finding a program. Gaining a sense of self.
A NO! Boundaries. Amends. A wonder-full tool!

Lena L