When making amends, responsibility for my actions is included, and changing my ways.
Choosing not to do that again, or at a minimum to be on the path of changing my ways.
“Sorry” on the other hand …The “Say you’re sorry…” of childhood is just toxic in my book.
Of no use at all.
Sorry does not include the thought of changing one’s ways.
It is just fluff, like frosting on a cake, that includes no remorse, no conscience, no responsibility.
The equivalent of a slap in the face, and I am supposed to be grateful the word was uttered…
I wasn’t heard, I wasn’t valued, I was just told the equivalent of “shut up” with the word “Sorry.”
I was raised in a narcissistic envelope.
Encased in narcissism. Various flavors, but nothing else.
My interpretations of these words may be skewed by my experience, yet it stands.
Sorry is placating, with no act of compensation, no repair, no empathy, no kindness. Just none.
My parents didn’t use this word. Didn’t subscribe to this paradigm.
No expressions of regret, nothing honorable, no begging one’s pardon.
No apology. No apologies. Not in their repertoire. They didn’t know how.
Except once…
My two sons and I were over to my parents’ house on an evening.
Getting set up to take care of their dog or something for them…
We had just sat down to dinner. We had just served our plates. My dad started in on my older son…
Putting him in the scapegoat role I had lived through for years at that table…
I said to my two sons, “Get up. We’re leaving.” And we did.
I was SO done. Wanted nothing to do with that man.
My dad called about 3 months later to… apologize.
I had never heard an apology leave that man’s lips before in my life.
I listened. I still kept the boundary. I was done. And then I moved out of state.
Best thing I could have done for my recovery! I escaped. Got out of his wind.
Out of his vicinity. Out of his mind. Got him out of my mind. Just No.
No is a complete sentence. And grey-rocking is even better. Especially for a narcissist.
What was to be accomplished - was accomplished. “Ta Da! “in English. “I did it!”
QED in math-speak. Quod Erat Demonstrandum.
“That which was to be demonstrated has been accomplished!”
Yep! Done! A healthy choice for me!
Lena L
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