(This is about a person and a learning experience which offered me comfort, calmness, and life skills.)
Comfort was very difficult to find in my mother's house. For just the two of us were living there most of the time, it always felt chaotic and tense. I cannot recall a time when I felt comfort in her house.
At my grandmother’s home, I would find glimpses of safety and comfort. It was not a regular occurrence, but there were several moments. They were not consistent, but they stood out.
In the garden, weeding, planting, picking, and watering the foods of our labor. I felt the most peaceful and productive in the dirt. Using soil, plants, and seeds my Higher Power offers for life and nourishment. Contributing to the cycle of life. Getting my hands dirty. Tilling the rows; memories of Verna Mae in her moo moo, bending the incorrect way and hearing her say how much her back hurt. Imitating the way she was bent over (paying for it today). OUCH!
Watching her movement and gentleness with the plants. Getting a lesson of what each item was that we were planting and harvesting. What great wisdom and care she put into her craft!
Having seven children (one died at an early age), there were many mouths to feed. So many grandchildren and community people to provide nourishment for. Managing to conserve money that was often low or nonexistent.
The garden was so much more than some plants, herbs, veggies, and fruits. It was life. It was health, abundance, wealth (not the monetary kind), friendship, love, sharing, and caring. Many of the things that take a back seat in my mind because it is flooded with the trauma.
Thinking about these moments with my grandmother, reminds me of all the blessings, happy moments, and gratitude I often forget about in the day to day.
I learned so many life lessons and skills from my grandmother. She taught me how to filet and scale a fish. I lived, practiced, and performed farm-to-table living. I learned how to truly appreciate what God bloomed and provided for the family to survive.
She also taught me how to preserve and can fruits and vegetables to last us through the winter months. She grew enough crops to last the entire year. It also helped take some of the financial burden off of my grandparents.
Connection to recovery: The garden represents a spiritual connection to my Higher Power that I have been disconnected with for so long. Gardening gave me insight to skills and love I never knew. My grandmother took the time to show me things and teach me life lessons. I learned that farm-to-table is a way for me to utilize resources from my Higher Power and also to provide for myself and my family. It helps me remember gratitude and moments of "smelling the roses." The peaceful moments are when I am able to feel like my "true" self.
Tamara P.