"The more I change, the more I get these little hints from people around me to go back to my prior behavior, because that's when they felt safe with me." BRB p. 411
As we started to break out of our old patterns, others became unhappy with us. They felt betrayed and abandoned as we became more self-sufficient. We were no longer taking care of them, and our healthy detachment put a distance between us that was uncomfortable for them.
Taking care of ourselves is new behavior because we were taught to always placate others. Our new reactions are helping us gain ground for the first time. We are no longer bludgeoned and bullied by the silence of others as they try to manipulate us. We have begun to trust our own feelings over the desires of other people, no matter how much we think we need those relationships to be okay.
We allow others to own their own feelings. When someone is angry, we no longer assume it's our fault, and we don't let their anger control us. We move forward.
If others break off relationships with us as a result, or act wounded, we don't try to fix things; we are no longer willing to throw ourselves under the damaging tires of shame. We have learned to walk around those spiky pits of guilt and move on.
On this day I will trust that if one relationship ends, a healthier one will take its place when the time is right.
Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number - 137