"Our search for our grief/loss can begin by asking this question: ‘What did I receive from my dysfunctional family and what would I have received from loving parents in the same situation?' " BRB p. 204

We grew up with expectations of normal, supportive behavior, but our expectations were not met. This spawned a grieving process. We didn't realize that previous generations were grieving too, which helps explain, but doesn't excuse their dysfunctional behavior. We often say our parents did the best they could with what they had. Unfortunately, what they had was too often not nearly enough, just as what they had received was not enough.

Unprocessed grief from our childhoods and our ancestors' childhoods can put us in a perpetual state of mourning. The generational nature of this is called "complicated grief." This grief can hold us hostage, undermine our ability to function well, and adversely complicate relationships. It can contribute to medical problems, because grief has friends called shame, sadness, depression, and insecurity - a great prescription for being unhealthy.

In ACA, we uncover the roots of our grief, recognize what we didn't receive as children, and see how we learned to react as a result. ACA teaches us how to stop the grief cycle and become our own loving parents. We do the work for ourselves before we can help future generations have less baggage to carry forward.

On this day I recognize the immense grief I carry. I know I can work through it and change my life, giving myself what I didn't get as a child. I reparent myself using the tools of ACA recovery.