"Such survival roles tend to have a hardy life and remain fixed in our personalities long after we have left our unhealthy homes…. There is the 40-year-old sister, living out the lost child role by avoiding holiday meals and rarely calling home." BRB p. 98
Roles adopted to survive our childhood experiences are our default positions in life, unless we become conscious of the underlying causes.
Before ACA recovery, we may have avoided our families because we were overwhelmed with fear, anger, sadness, ambivalence, or mistrust. Not participating in the false cheerfulness of holidays was one way of protecting ourselves.
As we make progress using the tools of the program, we may continue to stay away from our families, but now it's because we realize the interaction is not healthy. We may hope for a time when we are able to care for our Inner Child well enough to re-establish contact. And if we do so, it will be with the full knowledge of what we may or may not get in return when we no longer play the role that makes our families comfortable.
Recovery is a process that ebbs and flows like the waves on the sands of our life. With the help of our ACA support group, our Higher Power, and the compassionate witnesses we find along the way, we can delight in the awakening of our spirit that can bring us joy every day.
On this day I will keep track of my changing family role as a way of noting my progress on this positively exciting spiritual journey I am on.
Copyright © 2018 by Adult Children
of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
All rights reserved.
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