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April 05

Separate Identity

 "As we struggle to form an identity separate from our ‘parent' programs, we are also becoming aware of the need to separate emotionally from our alcoholic homes. Only in complete separation can we find the freedom to express who we are and to create the experience of intimate closeness we so desperately needed as children." BRB p. 85

Before many of us came to ACA, our other programs helped us start the journey, but they may have also led us to believe we shouldn't separate ourselves from our abusive families. So we continued to show up for those who were emotionally unavailable, giving them love and support while our own inner resources dwindled.

As our Inner Child develops a voice in ACA, we hear the pain. And we begin to acknowledge the depth of our family's dysfunction. We give ourselves permission to miss family events and let go of the fantasy of what we wanted life with them to be. We are no longer willing to be controlled by them.

In return, we gain dignity and healthy pride; we start to become sane and whole. Even though it is difficult, we realize it is worth it. We find that we are resourceful and have a tremendous capacity for self care, because we have survived our childhood trauma. We seize our own destiny and live our lives from a position of wholeness, no longer operating with one hand tied behind our backs.

On this day I will not look back. I will continue to do what is best for me - creating an identity that is separate from my dysfunctional family.

Copyright © 2018 by Adult Children
of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
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