"I had no modeling for having, stipulating, or enforcing boundaries. I would allow children, family members, and others to use me to their advantage. I would do many things for others and then receive nothing in return." BRB p. 413
When we're new to recovery, boundaries can be a mystery because most of us came from families that had none. Even if we know what they are, we still may not know when to have the courage to set them.
Boundaries can be very confusing and overwhelming. But by working the Steps and going to meetings, we learn from others. We talk to fellow ACAs about how they know when it's right to set a boundary, and about the language they use. We begin to have faith that we can do the same.
Then, sometimes without even thinking, we find ourselves setting limits with family members and others. Our anxiety begins to lessen because we know we are able to take care of ourselves with the help of others in the program and our Higher Power. We feel less resentful, too.
Letting others use us so we gain their approval may still be occasionally tempting. It can seem easier than standing up for ourselves. But when we experience the self-esteem we gain from saying no, we know that's what we really want.
On this day I will have the courage to set the boundaries that are important to me.
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