This Trait was hard for some of us to relate to. "Don't call us victims," we thought. "We made it through hell and back. We were tough." The idea that we marched through the world choosing sick people was almost offensive.

It took awhile to come out of our denial. We learned about para-alcoholism and codependency and that, without help, we were destined to continue recreating the past.

We started seeing the truth in our daily lives - how our feelings of hopelessness very often had come from thoughts like, "The world is too big for me to handle," and "I just can't make it." We recognized that we felt like victims who were being taken advantage of. We noticed how we habitually avoided people who seemed selfconfident because we didn't know how to talk to them, and they didn't seem to "need" us. We'd felt uncomfortable around them but didn't know why.

When we understand that we are truly powerless over other people, but not ourselves, we discover our willingness to change. The 12 Steps give us a blueprint to follow to become self-confident and assertive - the very type of person we had always avoided but secretly wanted to be all those years. We begin to attract others who are self-confident.