"Yet, our children and relationships were still mired in our dysfunction. We recreated the abandonment and loss of our own childhood." BRB p. 21

Many of us tried to raise our families differently. But without ACA or another type of intervention, we were like our parents - we could only give what we had. This meant we made a lot of wrong choices. We may even have become alienated from our children, finding that they resented us, just as we resented our parents.

ACA presents us with a choice: stay and get better in a way that might someday repair our relationships, or feel hopeless and continue to fill ourselves with self-blame and shame.

If we choose ACA, we must let go of the fact that we didn't find help earlier, when it could have prevented so much pain. We accept that change takes time, so we "get our heads on straight" and concentrate on taking care of ourselves. As we're ready, we learn to be present in a healthy way for our children. If we're separated from them, we hope they come back to us, but if they don't, we continue to love them and pray they find their way.

On this day I will take care of myself first. Only then will I be available to my family if they ask for emotional support.