"From the nonalcoholic parent we learn helplessness, worry, black-and-white thinking, being a victim, and self-hate." BRB p. 24

Many of us grew up with one parent who was an abuser and one who was our caretaker. The first abandoned us in the midst of their addiction, whether it was alcohol, sexual acting out, workaholism or something else that took them from us. The other parent seemed to hold things together, and we were grateful. But we were often drawn into their addictions, including their extreme points of view, worry, and playing the relationship victim. We had to participate in order to survive.

As adults, we saw that some of our learned behaviors kept us from owning our own power. Many of us were still afraid of aggressive people. We worried constantly, seemingly about everything. We played the victim at work and in our relationships; we were naturals because our codependent/ caretaker parent modeled that behavior for us for years. When we finally realized how we hated ourselves for these behaviors, we knew it was time to get help.

We learn in ACA that our self-destructive behaviors come from both parents. New feelings surface with our realizations, although we aren't always sure where they come from. It can be startling. But we honor those feelings and don't push them away.

As we continue to make progress, we release our self-destructive patterns, recognizing their origins. They no longer have a place in our lives.

On this day I now choose my own role and how I respond to the world around me.