"Some ACA bottoms can be a chronic sense of aloneness in which the adult child never feels joy and never really connects with others in a meaningful manner." BRB p. 124
Loneliness is well known by adult children. Whether we were actually alone or in a group of people, we were lonely. Many of us were, or still are, in relationships where we are lonely. This is our experience because we missed a key piece of socialization growing up in a dysfunctional family: how to have a healthy relationship with another human being.
So we have become controlling, stand-offish, closed-minded, over-bearing, painfully shy or awkward, fearful of others, perpetual victims, people pleasers - the list goes on. Name the dysfunction and the odds are we can relate to it.
We distrust people, expecting them to hurt us. But our actions cause the very hurt we try to avoid. We are hyper-sensitive and perceive any difference of opinion as a personal attack. We are less than forgiving and tend to hold grudges long into the future.
This is why we come into the rooms of recovery. The demons in our head need to be dealt with. We can't do that alone. We come in to gather knowledge and strength from the program, our fellow travelers, and our Higher Power. We come to face our past and put to rest the childhood survival traits that no longer work for us.
On this day I remind myself that living the ACA program will bring me the peace within myself that I have longed for. That peace will spill over into my relationships.
Copyright © 2013 by
Adult Children of Alcoholics®
& Dysfunctional Families
World Service Organization, Inc.
Page Number 343
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