Currency Of Codependence

Growing up, I got the message loud and clear in cruel words and in abusive actions that I was unlovable, a bother, and that there was something inherently wrong with me. When I wasn’t at the end of my mother’s wrath and frustration, I was mostly ignored and forgotten. Being marinated in that family system of insanity, I believed the lies of my worthlessness and learned survival behaviors to get by. I was starved for love, affection, and attention. This is where my codependence was born.

I went into my early adulthood, believing the lies of my being unlovable, less than, and unworthy. Not knowing how to have a healthy give and take relationship, I thought I had to buy my love and affection through what I could do for another. I believed that if I could make myself indispensable, that I wouldn’t be abandoned. This currency of codependence wasn’t with money but with my time, my body, and my efforts. I would extend myself to people I hardly knew so that, just perhaps, they would be my friend. I was so starved for loving words and affections that I was unable to say no to men who wanted sex. I would then be devastated when they’d abandon me because I did what they asked and wanted to believe their words.

In marriage, I chose a man who spoke empty words and I refused to believe what his actions were telling me (denial). My codependence went into high gear and I was nearly destroyed. But fortunately, this is where I hit bottom and I found ACA.

Thanks to my ACA recovery I have learned to love myself and I now have healthy boundaries. Today, my relationships are loving, honest, and reciprocal. I’m comfortable in letting go of relationships with people who are not capable of this and who are not healthy for me.

I am forever grateful that I no longer believe that I have to buy my love and affection. I don’t have to use the counterfeit currency of Codependence anymore.