"If we overstate our wrongs and beat ourselves up, we tend to drift into an attitude of martyrdom, or we assume the victim posture." BRB p. 197

Without the leveling perspective of Step Five, many of us would either minimize our wrongs or overstate them. By choosing the second option, we tell ourselves that we deserve the abuse for the wrongs we did. But that statement is a carryover from our childhood abuse.

A part of us had lived with both excitement and fear at the possibility of getting beaten up emotionally again. The feeling of helplessness was familiar because we had only felt loved when negative attention was heaped on us again and again as children.

Some of us only got attention while we were being sexually abused or beaten. We needed to believe we deserved this treatment to survive. There was no other option but to lie about what was really happening in our families.

Today we learn to accept our reality, both past and present. What happened to us as children was not our responsibility, but what we do today is. However, we do not have to take abuse to right the wrongs. With the help of neutral third parties, in the form of our ACA fellow travelers, we change to new rules. If others become angry, we let them take care of themselves. We choose to love ourselves and to be loved by those who have the capacity to do so.

On this day I am no longer a victim. I put myself first and make healthier choices that keep me grounded.