"We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs." BRB p. 12

When we first heard this Trait, we may have reflected on all of the relationships we'd had - those we supported financially, or those where we were supported, but which kept us "under lock and key." There were broken people we tried to mend who "had such potential" - why didn't they use it? Some of us had dangerous partners, but when they seemed to love us, the world was momentarily a happy place.

Many of these relationships mirrored our childhood. But we didn't know we were reliving the past. We thought we chose these people out of normal attraction like anyone else. But that was our normal, because we were only taught how to relate to compulsive, dysfunctional people.

In ACA, it is comforting to find different people to relate to - those who have also had rough-and-tumble relationship experiences, but who are choosing a different life. We begin to see how it is possible to relate to them in a new way. We see boundaries being set and maintained. We hear vulnerabilities shared, and we start to feel comfortable doing the same. We begin to trust others and our Higher Power, knowing we are now capable of changing our pattern of self-destructive relationships.

On this day I will focus on my Higher Power and myself to find my center. This will keep me focused so that I can relate to others in a healthier way.