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Grief and Childhood

Grief and Childhood

"Genuine grieving for our childhood ends our morbid fascination with the past and lets us return to the present, free to live as adults." - Big Red Book, page 83.My morbid fascination with my past perfectly describes the dissociative state I was in when I compulsively...
Mistakes

Mistakes

"We also have great difficulty accepting mistakes as adults." BRB p.38It seemed like every life-pursuit I undertook involved "white-knuckling". I can look back at major accomplishments and remember thinking how I had no idea what I was doing at the time. Looking back...
Letting Go

Letting Go

As an ACA, letting go of anything always felt like jumping from an airplane without a parachute. I held on for dear life and didn't let go of anything. It’s how I ran my business, it’s how I was in charge of my family, and it’s how I held on to my traumatizing...
Authority Figures

Authority Figures

(This essay and share is based on the July 21 daily meditation on abuse from authority figures found in “Strengthening My Recovery”) As a recovering adult child of an alcoholic and survivor of childhood emotional and sexual abuse, I developed a fear of authority...
Grief Work

Grief Work

I've been in ACA since April 2021. Since this past January, I've been incarcerated as a Federal inmate in a low-security prison for a sex crime I felt I was powerless to avoid. Those words are in our BRB - "Some ACA's are in prison for the rest of their lives for a...