My Inner ACA Meeting

Sitting in a circle, listening, and sharing has been my weekly anker for the last 13 years and I’m still amazed by this way of support in ACA. Through literature, I’ve learnt about reparenting my inner children. The biggest breakthrough in connecting with my inner family came whilst working ‘The Loving Parent Guidebook’ in a group of fellow travellers. Forever grateful for this treasure trove of collected wisdom. By the hands-on guiding of the workbook, I finally got to know and distinguish my inner family members, their behaviours and needs.

I have a practice of meditating in silence for about 30 minutes as often as I can. At some point I started to consciously talk to my inner younger versions. I said that I would like to connect with them and checking how they are doing. It felt strange in the beginning – but I continued.

Out of a sudden a picture arose in front of my inner eye. I saw the circle of my ACA group – but instead of fellow travellers my inner children were gathering. All kind of ages – from toddler to 5-year-old, to teenager and young adults. It was mind-blowing and heart-warming to see them all at once.

From this day on I integrated this new experience in my meditation. First, I use to ground myself in the here and now. I connect to my higher power and inner loving parent and the last 5-10 minutes I talk to my younger versions and invite them as followed:

Hey, my little and big heroes! I am so happy to see you all. And that you made it through all these difficulties. I am so proud of you! I would like to spend a moment with you if you want that too. I would like to listen to you, what you feel, want to express, or remind of, what you need and longing for. Here is a safe space where you can express everything.

Sometimes I invite them to hold hands and we say ACA: s Unity Prayer: “I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could never do alone … we are all together now …”

After some deep breaths, I invite the one who want to express anything, to come and sit in the middle. Then we all wait actively.

In the beginning nothing happened – no one came forward. And as I learnt through “The Loving Parent Guidebook” – that’s totally ok! These kids are traumatised and were abandoned and made it through horrific situations – all by themselves! Off course they are not used to trust anyone!

I waited with my heart full of compassion and understanding. I showed up meditation for meditation.

And one day they all came running to me and the inner circle. We finally bonded! It gives me tears of joy whilst writing this down.

I ask them and guide them through their stories and feelings: How are you? What happens? What do you need? Let me hold you if you want!

I started to be the loving parent I didn’t experience as child.

Then I thank them for joining the circle and leave them to play or whatever they were about to do.

This amazing experience continued to develop. One evening I was so tired and not in the best mood whilst meditating. I wasn’t sure if I should invite my inner family because I felt like not being a good listener. But I did it and just told them as it was; “Look, I want to connect with you, but am tired right now. I will do my best! Who wants to be in the middle?”

They all looked and smiled at me and said: “YOU should be in the middle today!” And they came and hugged me. My heart melted.

Another time I was worrying and anxious and asked myself about the meaning of life. Out of a sudden I saw not just my earlier versions in the circle but even an older man –  I got confused because I never had read about this concept in the literature about inner family. He looked at me, came forward, gave me a long hug, and whispered in my ear: “All is fine! You are doing good! I have your back!” – It felt like I met my own loving parent. The father which I never experienced being there for me.

Finally, one day during the meditation I saw my latest version lying on his dead bed – calm, peaceful and with a beautiful smile looking at me and saying: “All will be fine! Don’t be afraid! What a journey!”

I hope my sharing will inspire you to connect to your inner family, to trust and heal!

A grateful fellow traveller