Becoming My Own Loving Parent: How Tradition 6 Brought Me Back to Myself

There are moments in my recovery where I can feel myself leave. Not physically—but internally. It happens when I start focusing on what other people are doing or not doing, when I notice who isn’t working the steps, when I feel frustrated that others aren’t taking recovery as seriously as I am. When I feel judged, misunderstood, or talked about. My attention shifts outward. And in that moment, my inner teenager steps in—wanting to control, compare, and make things “right.”  But something deeper is happening underneath that. I’m outsourcing my worth.

The Part of Me That Takes Over

There’s a part of me that says, “I’m doing the work—why aren’t they?” “This isn’t how it should be done.” “Someone needs to fix this.” On the surface, it looks like responsibility or even leadership. But if I’m honest, there’s another layer. If others are doing recovery “right,” I feel safer. If the group is functioning well, I feel more secure. If I’m seen as doing well, I feel more worthy. My sense of worth quietly becomes tied to what’s happening outside of me. That’s what outsourcing my worth looks like. And it pulls me away from myself every time.

Turning Tradition 6 Inward

ACA Tradition 6 states: “An ACA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the ACA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose”.  When I turn that inward, it means my recovery and my worth depend not on anyone else but on me and my higher power. My worth does not depend on how the group runs, nor on whether others are working the steps. It does not matter how I am perceived. When I mix those things, I lose my center. I start chasing something I can’t control. And my inner child feels it. Because instead of staying with her, I’ve gone outward to figure out if we’re “okay.”

What My Loving Parent Says Instead

This is where I’m learning to become my own loving parent. When I notice myself outsourcing my worth, my loving parent steps in and tells my inner family, “Your worth is not up for discussion here.” “You don’t have to earn your place by doing recovery perfectly.” “Other people’s choices don’t define you.” “Come back. Stay with me.” Because the truth is, my inner child really does not feel safe when my worth depends on outside resources. She relaxes when I bring it back home.

Letting Go Without Losing Myself

Letting go used to feel like I was losing something important. But now I see it differently. Letting go means letting go of managing others, letting go of needing approval, letting go of tying my worth to outcomes. At the same time, I hold onto myself, stay connected to my own values, and remember that my worth is inherent, not earned. This is where Tradition 6 protects me. It keeps my recovery clean.

The Boundary That Changes Everything

“I will not abandon myself by measuring my worth through others.” That is the boundary I’m practicing. It helps me show up without performing, participate without comparing, and care without tying my value to the outcome. When I slip—as I sometimes do—I do not shame myself. I notice it and return.

This is what reparenting looks like for me: noticing when I’ve given my worth away, gently reclaiming it, reminding myself that I am already enough, and staying present rather than seeking validation from outside myself—again and again.

There was a time when my worth depended on how others responded to me. Today, I’m learning something new. My worth stays with me. Tradition 6 helps me protect that truth. It reminds me that I don’t have to chase safety, approval, or belonging outside of myself. I can come home instead. And stay.