Step Ten
Stay safe enough is a recovery goal. Before I experienced adverse conditions, I was an innocent child. Am I going to be restored to that state and condition again? Is it safe? “I don’t have an answer to that question, ‘are we going to become entirely free of the...
Drawing My Inner Family
Terrified inner baby:Born into domestic violence.Blindsided and shattered.He screams at full volume.No one hears his heart. Hypervigilant inner toddler:Hiding in a corner.Avoiding daddy-Monster.Trying to be invisible.Making himself silent.Making himself...
ACA Recovery
Hi, I am Jess, an ACA member.I have struggled with family addiction and dysfunction growing up as the youngest of three children. It has been an ongoing battle for me but certainly has taken all of my lifetime to find another path. It has been hard at times. I have...
Informed Consent
Having rights means I get to choose, but I am not born capable! I am, as a member of this species, born only partially developed—immature. In Step Twelve, my aim, my stage of development, is communicating (after/as becoming capable).I practice these principles means...
Druncle
Drunk uncle sits manspread on the sofa, full glass in his hand. He is surrounded by family. It's a special day, his great step nephew's second birthday. So much reason to celebrate-bring more wine.The TV is begging for attention, but no one cares. It's a pacifier....
My Journey Into ACA
My name is Lindsay, and I am a recovering member of the ACA program. I struggle a lot, sometimes every second of the day, to reconstruct my thoughts to more positive thinking with a stronger sense of self-worth as I reflect upon all of my experiences while living life...
Pomegranate Trees
The trees had been described as “deer resistant”, language that is ambiguous because it depends on how hungry the deer are. The family of three that felt comfortable in my backyard were really hungry. I had bought the pomegranate trees as memorials for my daughter,...
Mistakes
"We also have great difficulty accepting mistakes as adults." BRB p.38It seemed like every life-pursuit I undertook involved "white-knuckling". I can look back at major accomplishments and remember thinking how I had no idea what I was doing at the time. Looking back...
Childhood Prayer
It was a bold experiment in my mind, perhaps an early inquiry into the workings of reality. Prayer mingled God with Santa Claus: if I prayed hard enough, I would get a beautiful dollhouse in my room. I cleared a space for it between my bed and the door. I was six or...
Strafe My Soul
To daddy-Monster: You can resentfully blame mebecause my existence – my birth –reminds you of your new dutyresulting from my illegitimate conception. Enraged, you can throw medown a flight of stairsbefore I can walk. You can pound your fists into meas I lie...