Counting Myself In
Excluded from the playground. Always picked last for any team sport. And when I am picked, quickly excluded from participation. I’m part of my family, but I don’t belong. Expected to be quiet and invisible. Expected to just go...
Loneliness
Loneliness is an apple hanging from a tree.While plenty of brethren, no skins touch.The space between ensures no borers to the core.No branches to mar the perfect exterior.Loneliness is standing in a crowd.Feeling the thump of music but not my heart.Wondering why all...
Powerless
Paul is my nameOh what a recovery journey this has beenWillingness to heal from my childhood woundsEverything becomes a bit more clear since then.Reparenting brings me new insightsLooking at how I now look at things differentlyEveryone makes me feel less aloneSo much...
My Right Leg Tells Me a Story
I had a dream last nightI am dreaming latelyafter none for most of my lifeexcept for “stuck feet” dreams, repeatedly, the same dreamagain and again. Go back to sleep, it runs again.Thankfully those are gone now.The door opened around being the speaker for a speaker...
Reflections of a childhood
Houdini books Fruit brandy brewing in my closetWhy not in their closet?Floor heater gratebranding my little brother’s feetMirrors in the hall and bathroomtoo high up to see meMirror in my room, stay awaySewing classesCheerleaders blaspheming and...
The Girl Who Loved Her Father Like Salt
A story from my childhood... This was a book that was read many, many times as a child.Mom read books with my older brother and me, we were on the floor.We did not connect with each other or her, we did not look at the pictures.We did not touch.The father asked how...
Joy in the Brushstrokes
Last week, someone asked me what I do for a living. I braced myself and said, “I write for a consulting firm.” I sensed their stilted reaction and backpedaled. “I’m just glad I get paid to write.” They cleared their throat. “I knew someone with a 9 to 5 once.” He knew...
Busyness
Busyness is my drug of choice and it is why I don’t ask for help. Busyness is a trustworthy way to numb out. Busyness is a trustworthy way to create the illusion of being productive, chasing the social capital of achievement, of future accomplishments bringing...
Depression
Depression, you’ve got meI’m here but I’m not Go to work, pay the billsCare for the kids, clean the houseExcept when alone, slovenlyClothes on the floorDishes strewn on countersShoes blocking walkwaysNetflix for hoursI should go outsideI should exerciseI should go to...
Accessing Our Higher Self
We must gain balance within ourselves before we can bring balance to the world. In order to connect with our higher self, we must remove all blockages. Energy flows through our body like water flows through a creek. Our body has pools of spiraling energy known as the...