Powerless
What did Powerless mean to my inner child? I was powerless growing up in an incredibly controlling and narcissistic envelope, with players of various narcissistic flavors. No red flags here, all normalized. I was powerless over being assigned the role of family...
Lonely Had Become My Middle Name
Another shot at love.just to be met with scorn ending up with the shovecreating a feeling #forlorn.And I kept on trying.To connect with the outer worldand it felt like dyingwhile shadows danced and swirled.Alone again, alone in the darkWhy have you forsaken...
Reflections of a childhood
Houdini books Fruit brandy brewing in my closetWhy not in their closet?Floor heater gratebranding my little brother’s feetMirrors in the hall and bathroomtoo high up to see meMirror in my room, stay awaySewing classesCheerleaders blaspheming and...
The Girl Who Loved Her Father Like Salt
A story from my childhood... This was a book that was read many, many times as a child.Mom read books with my older brother and me, we were on the floor.We did not connect with each other or her, we did not look at the pictures.We did not touch.The father asked how...
Joy in the Brushstrokes
Last week, someone asked me what I do for a living. I braced myself and said, “I write for a consulting firm.” I sensed their stilted reaction and backpedaled. “I’m just glad I get paid to write.” They cleared their throat. “I knew someone with a 9 to 5 once.” He knew...
Busyness
Busyness is my drug of choice and it is why I don’t ask for help. Busyness is a trustworthy way to numb out. Busyness is a trustworthy way to create the illusion of being productive, chasing the social capital of achievement, of future accomplishments bringing...
Depression
Depression, you’ve got meI’m here but I’m not Go to work, pay the billsCare for the kids, clean the houseExcept when alone, slovenlyClothes on the floorDishes strewn on countersShoes blocking walkwaysNetflix for hoursI should go outsideI should exerciseI should go to...
Accessing Our Higher Self
We must gain balance within ourselves before we can bring balance to the world. In order to connect with our higher self, we must remove all blockages. Energy flows through our body like water flows through a creek. Our body has pools of spiraling energy known as the...
Powerlessness Through a Lens of Recovery
I participated in a writing workshop where I was sparked to write about a word in the 12 steps in a genre of my choice. I chose the word POWERLESS in the form of an acrostic prose poem. Instead of writing about my experience with being powerless, I re-framed the...
Photo of Daddy-Monster
I see an old photograph, daddy-Monster when he was about 25, standing with two of his brothers-in-law, dressed sharply, with confidence and self-assurance. I see a dad who’s not a dad. I see an explosive volcano. I see a raging...