Conglomo Food
Brown bread in a can - soft, and with raisins, and no prep! Consistent. Available at any time. No love in it. Or was there?Sweet, predictable, always there. Packaged up from a conglomo company. Tater tots. Another conglomo food. Stuck in their little shape, unable to...
Playing Baseball is Like Working the 12 Steps
Au-delà de la survie
Il y a 35 ans, ma prof de tai-chi-chuan a exposé ses peintures « sumi-e », et ma « grand-mère de cœur » est tombée en arrêt devant celle-ci, puis me l’a offerte, en s’exclamant « C’est vraiment ton portrait ! » Oui, je pressentais déjà que j’étais une espèce de...
What’s the Payoff
Verbal abuse, what’s the payoff?Distance, disconnection, abandonment.I don’t matter, I don’t belong; sense of community lost.No trust or accountability. No safety, no safe-harbor.Up in my tree as soon as I could get away.Comfort, nurture, understanding, support from...
I Said
I said I was very suicidal, in serious danger of acting it out, and therefore asked for being urgently hospitalized. I was desperate and called earnestly for help (already a teetotaler for three years, thanks to AA and DESPITE medicine). They found a place for me in a...
Powerless
What did Powerless mean to my inner child? I was powerless growing up in an incredibly controlling and narcissistic envelope, with players of various narcissistic flavors. No red flags here, all normalized. I was powerless over being assigned the role of family...
Lonely Had Become My Middle Name
Another shot at love.just to be met with scorn ending up with the shovecreating a feeling #forlorn.And I kept on trying.To connect with the outer worldand it felt like dyingwhile shadows danced and swirled.Alone again, alone in the darkWhy have you forsaken...
Reparenting
R is for reframing comments from my critical parent. She is trying to protect me in the only way she knows how. I can love her too. E is for enlightenment, illumination, and understanding. For education to my core, insight, discernment, and growing wisdom. And for...
Counting Myself In
Excluded from the playground. Always picked last for any team sport. And when I am picked, quickly excluded from participation. I’m part of my family, but I don’t belong. Expected to be quiet and invisible. Expected to just go...
