Honoring My Character Defects in Step 7
Honestly & Humbly
After spending a couple of months working Step 7, I came to a very important realization: humbly asking my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings and to aid in my healing process is more about honestly and non-judgmentally acknowledging where I miss the mark in my daily life rather than having my character defects actually gone for good. It’s a step of action, a step of trust, and one step deeper into the truth.
While I don’t yet trust that all of my defects can be permanently removed, I am closer to understanding the paradox that they are not who I really am and yet they are still a significant part of my personality to be reckoned with.
What does it mean to have “done” Step 7? For me right now, it means that I have acknowledged and accepted the fact that I need my Higher Power’s help in my healing process of integrating the character defects and traits. I accept that I have defects, not that I am defected. I am infected with a mind virus: the virus of shame, disconnection and separation that has infected the human spirit of mankind for so very long. This is not unique to me. I cannot fix or solve or self-help away my struggles that originate from this shame and apparent separation.
As the Buddha said, “Life is suffering.” And in Step 7, we don’t set out to remove our suffering. That’s not the point! To feel better and more content within our lives, I believe that we set out to live with honesty and virtue. That’s it. Nothing more and nothing less. We simply do our best, as much as we’re able and willing in every given moment, defects and all.
My Step 7 Prayer
I acknowledge that I have been infected with character defects and defenses. This does not entitle me to play the helpless victim nor to hurt others out of my own pain.
I acknowledge my pain and suffering as a common ailment of the human condition. I take full responsibility for handling and responding to that pain and suffering while doing my best to ask my Higher Power for help when I need it. I humble myself in this acknowledgement.
I humble myself in the acknowledgement of my character defects and defenses that have infected me due to the belief in separation and specifically due to my experiences with family dysfunction.
I further humble myself in the acknowledgement of my survival traits that have developed as a response to my needs and how those needs have conflicted with the needs of others in my past, therefore going unmet. These survival traits were born out of core unmet needs that as a child, I didn’t even know I had. I acknowledge that my caregivers were mostly ignorant of these needs as well.
Of Course! I Was A Child.
The prideful admonitions toward myself of “I should have done better” and “I should be further along than I am” begin to dissolve as I come to terms with the fact that these survival traits were activated, used, and have been maintained completely innocently and with very good (although immature) reasoning on my part.
Given my experiences growing up in a dysfunctional family system, of course I developed these traits! As my sponsor told me, “everything a child does makes sense to them.” As I look ahead to Step 8 with this new understanding, I feel a sense of self-forgiveness and a renewed desire to be free from my self-imposed shackles.
Asking for Help
It is now up to me, with the help of my Higher Power and through the voice of my inner loving parent, to effectively remove and/or integrate the character defects and survival traits I have become so familiar with.
I can practice this by:
- admitting my powerlessness over the disease of family dysfunction
- non-judgmentally recognizing my role in perpetuating the defects and living from the False Self
- making a True Choice to surrender egotistical control
- allowing my Higher Power to gently guide me back to the needs of my Inner Family
- slowing down to better listen to the voice of my inner loving parent and my Higher Power
Instead of pridefully trying to go at this alone, I can humbly ask for help.
I acknowledge what’s mine and let go of the rest.