Isolation

This is a very difficult subject for me. 

Isolation is where I go when something in the world overwhelms me. It’s where I go when I’m hurt. It’s where my parents put me. It’s all I know when there is pain.

The most horrible thing about isolation is that there is no love in that place. I am not connected to anything except the critical, condemning, judgmental, disapproving dialog that loops in my head.

I want to run and disappear, but I have nowhere to go.

I hate myself for needing love.

There is no one to reach out to for help.

My parents put me away, so in my child mind, I must be away from anything or anyone who could help – even God. My parents were my ultimate source of authority and anything they did or said I accepted as final. 

They never told me I was not truly alone. They couldn’t, and God was there all along. After all these years, and because of ACA, I finally know I can never truly 100% isolate, and I’m a breath away from love. 

Anonymous