A Better Way to Live

My dad was an alcoholic and is my ACA qualifier. I was fortunate that he got sober when I was 18. He had 51 years of sobriety when he passed away at age 91.

For most of my life, I believed my dad’s alcoholism had not really affected me. I chose not to drink or use drugs, but I disliked being around alcohol or people who were drinking. It brought back the same uncomfortable feelings I had as a child, so I avoided alcohol whenever possible.

My son works with me in our family business. As I got older, he began attending trade shows with me. He would go out after the shows to socialize with customers, colleagues, and friends. When he did, I began experiencing the same feelings I had when my dad drank. I couldn’t understand it. My dad had been sober for more than 50 years, yet those feelings became stronger and stronger.

Eventually, I became desperate to escape them. I thought about leaving my family and the business I had spent more than 35 years building. I even thought about committing a crime that would send me to prison for life—not because I wanted to hurt anyone, but because I wanted somewhere I could escape.

Then my Higher Power stepped in. I realized I needed help. I made a doctor’s appointment and began searching the internet for answers. That search led me to Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families.

I found several ACA meetings in my town and attended my first meeting after returning from a business trip. Almost immediately, I felt that I belonged. I kept hearing people talk about abandonment, but I didn’t understand how it applied to me. My dad never physically abandoned our family. Even after a two- or three-day drunk, he always came home.

Then one night, while listening to the Big Red Book, I heard about emotional abandonment. BINGO!

As a little boy, I used to tell people that when my dad was drinking, he wasn’t my real dad. He became someone I didn’t know. I finally understood that when he drank, I felt emotionally abandoned. Decades later, when my son went out socializing, my inner child was experiencing those same feelings.

ACA gave me the bridge between my childhood and my adult reactions. It helped me understand that I wasn’t imagining my feelings—I was carrying an old wound that needed healing.

ACA has given me understanding, fellowship, and a new way to live. For that, I am deeply grateful.