LETTERS TO MY CRITICAL PARENTS (AND OTHER CRITICS)
To daddy-Monster:
I reject the voice of violence.
I choose to listen to the voices
of peace and love and progress and growth.
To my mother:
You misdirected your legitimate anger
towards me and my brothers.
You drowned your resentments in alcohol.
I remember your support
when I was very young.
But the years of domestic violence
have made you bitter.
I am not your punching bag.
I will not accept the blame
for what others have done.
I will not absorb your ridicule.
I will not carry your verbal abuse
to the next generation.
I will not transport your denial beyond you.
I will stand up for my Truth.
To the nuns in catholic school:
I remember your big sticks
and your verbal abuse.
You ruled the classroom with fear.
Long ago, I rejected your shame
and your intimidation tactics.
Instead, I choose to listen
to nurturing voices.
To the church that love-bombed me
in my late teenage years.
You provided the structure
I desperately needed.
I gave you my heart.
You trampled my heart
with your control and manipulations
and judgments and condemnations.
I am done with your hatred.
I am done with the judgmental sludge.
I have chosen to pursue
inward peace and wholeness.
To my inner critical parent:
I hear your shattered heart.
You did the best you could
with what you knew at the time.
You rejected daddy-Monster’s voice
and listened to other critical voices.
You helped lead us to: Survival.
You helped keep us relatively safe.
Today, we travel further:
Beyond-Survival.
I am your captain;
you are now a passenger.
Any concern you have, bring it to me.
I will listen to our whole inner family.
I will do my best to keep us safe.
I will do my best to help us grow.
I have discovered our heart –
battered and ignored for too long.
I will love and nurture our inner children.
I will make mid-course corrections as necessary.
Together, we travel to a new land,
a land of growth and adventure,
a land of loving discipline –
far, far away from past monsters.
– Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)