Walking stiff like a robot
Arms swaying outward
Attempting to take up physical space
Head held high
Chest up and out
Do you feel it?
Hips hold stress from today and trauma from yester years
Muscles surrounding my pelvis are short and tight
Tough like a tennis ball with all the tight rubber bands
Shoulders are back and tight like a steel rod
Do you feel it?
Pain on top of pain
Year after year
Denying it in the moments
Ignoring my mind and body
Do you feel it?
Not knowing how to breath or loosen the tension
Holding my breath as if I am in fight, flight, freeze, and fawn
50 years later, the body has endured the
cumulative physical, mental, emotional and sexual
Tucked away in the tissue
Do you feel it?
Screaming and kicking
Treating the symptoms with people, places, and things
Recreating the aches and hurt
Do you feel it?
Mood affected on a daily basis
Tossing and turning in my sleep
Body reacting to the maltreatment
Unaware of what I was doing
Do you feel it?
The root of the tension surrounds hurt, pain, guilt, abandonment, and shame
Deep beneath the surface
Projecting outward and inward
How can I help?
Do you feel it?
Connection to recovery:
I have traveled in the world with a tense face, cement shoulders, and intimidation. Wanting to believe this stature would keep me safe. Ready for battle or retreat. Waiting for the shoe to drop. Shrinking myself physically and emotionally on the inside. Muscles in knots. No room for oxygen to nourish all my parts of the body. Starving my body of life. I have worn this suit of armour for decades.
Today is a new day. A day of awareness, clarity, and opportunity. For today, I challenge the old tapes gently and purge the pain (slowly and gradually), one day at a time.
Tamara P.