Wishful thinking isn’t prayer. I have discovered limits, if I have worked Step One. No matter how passionately I may have hoped I could get away with it—not suffer consequences—I have admitted I am powerless over alcohol or drugs, no matter who is using them. When these chemicals have grabbed control, they become addictions. Or I have admitted some behavior that I did (or do) takes over if I let myself indulge in trying it again, even if I do my best to rationalize and justify. If I accept that what I do not want to admit doesn’t disappear because I wish it would, I have made a giant Step—Step One—toward being able to be helped by all the life-affirming options available to me.
Coping behaviors --Traits -- effects of adverse experiences are often limitations I would rather integrate than challenge. Denial—even if accomplished by shutting out, rejecting or other sanctions placed on what I will not face—is not a long-term recovery solution, although it may well be a necessary short-term fix. I am wise to remain mindful in recovery of this fact.
The popular idea—that we can form in groups that decide, based on our hopes or fears, what’s true or false—is appealing. I would like to get away with it. I would like to indulge my appetites—act out—be irresponsible like a little toddler, checking out the boundaries of what is possible—permissible?—for me. Wishful thinking is not prayer. If I, as an individual, have worked Step One on any issue I have faced, AA’s original “How It Works” reminds me that dysfunctional denial is cunning, baffling, and powerful, a source of risk that doesn’t go away. It is not only alcohol that poses a risk of slipping. Self-indulgence is a force that isn’t banished or asleep.
Reality is not up for a vote! I need to notice what behaviors grab power, especially if I am taking a role of authority within a group. Short term solutions, like medical interventions, are stop-gaps: necessary in many cases, but not substitutes for healthy lives and practices that change the causes and conditions of disease. I am not exempt from guidance that’s personal, found in our prayer and meditation, spoken to my heart. That’s what I offer to the group and to the world that’s mine alone. Reparenting myself means growing up and getting willing and more able to model living life on life’s terms to those who will come later.
KATHLEEN S.