daddy-Monster, I remember …
I was three years old.
You beat me as I was lying in bed.
You blamed me for the beating.
The worst part of the beating
is that I believed your lie.
Through countless other acts of violence,
you confirmed the lie.
You sentenced me to
twenty-five years of false guilt –
and a lifetime of renovation.
I believed the guilt; I acted guilty.
Any legal court
would have declared me:
NOT GUILTY –
but I didn’t know that.
You planted the equivalent
of a computer virus
into my developing brain –
into my innocent heart.
You planted thoughts of worthlessness.
You planted hostility.
You planted emptiness.
You planted terror.
You planted hopelessness.
You planted despair.
You planted learned helplessness.
You planted post-traumatic flashbacks.
You set me up for:
schoolyard bullying –
religious deception –
social awkwardness.
You set up my two brothers for:
SELF-DESTRUCTION!
And you self-destructed
your own heart.
In committing violence
against your children,
you committed violence
against yourself.
But I had other teachers,
better teachers,
teachers who welcomed me,
just as I was.
They planted freedom –
the freedom of choice.
They planted trustworthiness.
They planted worth.
They planted friendship.
They planted genuineness.
They planted integrity.
They planted gratitude.
They planted hope.
They planted courage.
They planted love.
They planted LIFE!
Yes daddy-Monster, your vicious virus
still dwells deep within the heart
of the one whose birth disrupted your life,
the one whom you despised.
Four decades after your death,
you still try to hijack my brain.
But I have a secret weapon,
a super-power.
I write about your violence.
I write about my recovery.
I place your image on my computer;
I read my writing to you.
Whenever you try to hijack my soul,
I recite one of my poems to you.
I ask for your literary analysis.
Do you hear? Are you forced to listen?
I was forced to listen to you
and to your violence.
Now it’s your turn to listen.
I wonder what you think of my writing.
But whatever you think, know this:
Your malicious code
is now being overwritten –
every time I choose the code of life!
– Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)
COMPUTER VIRUS
