Peace Warrior

(An internal dialogue concerning the battle between peace and bitterness)

Born into violence, 
I choose peace.
Deceived by toxic theologians, 
I breathe peace.

Manipulated and scammed, 
I inhale peace.
Threatened and slandered, 
I exhale the turmoil.

Agitation is the default.
Peace is a choice, 
sometimes a courageous choice, 
always an active choice.

But sometimes I nurse a grudge.
I can easily justify it.
I was wronged.
The wrong was intentional.

It was done with evil intent.
The perps are evil.
They would do it again.
Justice is necessary.

And I have the right!

But you, bitterness, are a trap.
You ensnare the one who is wronged.
You preserve the evil already done.
You are never satisfied.

You suck the life out of life.
You destroy energy.
You crush enthusiasm.
You dull the heart.

How do I free myself from you?
How do I live free 
without the necessary justice, 
while the guilty go free?

I see what you’ve done to my mom.
She’s sour and hostile,
focused on what everyone’s doing wrong.
She’s dead, even though she lives.

My parents chose violence.
My mom still chooses bitterness.
I choose to breathe – 
deep breaths of peace and calm.

Sure, I will be tested.
I may falter.
Then, I will breathe again.
I will exhale the toxins.

I try to focus on the good,
the things which have benefited me,
and those who have assisted me,
and everything I’m grateful for.

Bitterness demands justice, 
but doesn’t provide justice. 
Oh, may I release the bitterness 
and it’s demands for justice.

I must starve bitterness 
and accept 
some things are simply – 
lost forever.

Others may rage around me.
Scammers will call.
Some will deceive.
Hold on to peace.

Oh, may I allow myself to release
the violence of the past.
Let me breathe peace.
Let me exhale the demands for justice.

I may need to confront.
But may I do so 
from the power of peace – 
courageous peace.

The battle doesn’t end.
Bitterness keeps revealing itself.
I must continually choose 
between peace and the demands for justice.

Oh, may I choose peace.
May I breathe peace.
May I live in peace.
May I die in peace.


– Healing Heart Warrior