This writing is from the point of view of the ex-husband, with the twist of some of the descriptions coming from what I have learned in recovery. It describes some of the thinking processes involved in this dysfunctional marriage and family. Handed down from generation to generation. And labeled and talked about in recovery. Deflated, de-energized.
Note: This writing might be better shared in a meeting. Seems to contain some of the issues it is politically correct to avoid in publishing writings. It WAS cathartic! And fun to write. I wrote it for Christmas!
The Ex- as in Ex-stravigance, Ex-ploitation, Ex-communicate, Ex-plaining (not really), Ex-cuseable, Ex-ile, Ex-ess, Ex-tort, Ex-clude, Ex-pend, Ex-cuses, Ex-cision, Ex-aggerate, Ex-asperating, Ex-ecutioner, Ex-hilarated, Ex-hort, Ex-acerbate, Ex-aggerate, Ex-plosiveness, Ex-ploit, Ex-pect, Ex-cretion, Ex-crement, Ex-pel.
I work for my father, he and his brother built up a lucrative metals manufacturing business.
Part of this is I take customers from United Airlines to lunch. There are no boundaries on extravagances or my drinking, and I am not paying for it!
The company provides new cars, often. And I modify the hell out of them, because I want to,
and because I can. No expenses barred. I love how it angers my wife.
I have affairs, and often. I am having an affair with the female who replaced our company computer system. She turned out to live around the block from our house. I brought her home and introduced her as a family friend.
I have always wanted ANYTHING I wanted and right NOW! Credit is a wonderful thing.
The truth is my father gave me a credit card in his name and on his account. For years!
No responsibility on my part. It feeds my need. My dad didn't care if I racked up a huge balance.
He also kept up this credit scheme after I married. Allowing me to wine and dine many, many affairs without a financial awareness or accounting of by the wife.
And I brought $15,000 of undisclosed debt to the marriage. She brought $8,000 of savings earned at $1 and $1.50 an hour to the marriage. I win!
I married someone stupid enough to NOT truly see me. To trust me. To want to marry me.
She was so naive, I could make her into anything I wanted.
I made her into someone to hate. I treated her as I had treated my bloodsucking mother, so needy. I really had intended to hate her. Why did she marry me?
I wish, I wish, I wish… I could wish… but I would rather want, and then get it NOW.
A wish to be loved?
I have affairs, but they go awry. I cannot stay in relationships. Why does that wife stay? We have two sons.
I imagine being a “good man.” A man with a conscience. A man with a sense of right and wrong, morals, standards, ethics. Remorse. But then I get an idea, I want something, and am off again, manipulating, exploiting.
It is what I live for!