Busyness is my drug of choice and it is why I don’t ask for help.
Busyness is a trustworthy way to numb out.
Busyness is a trustworthy way to create the illusion of being productive, chasing the social capital of achievement, of future accomplishments bringing recognition and glory.
Busyness is a trustworthy source of excuses, reasons to say no to invitations, to protect my isolation.
Busyness feels like throwing a half-dozen balls into the air and then telling myself that I have mastered Part 1 of juggling. I have no plans to learn Part 2: when most of the balls fall to the ground, I will toss another half-dozen balls into the air and tell myself I am practicing what I've learned.
Busyness is a trustworthy way to avoid completing a project. Completing a project means facing evaluation, judgement, contempt, dismissal.
Busyness is a trustworthy way to avoid feelings, bodily sensations, needs, while letting rumination run riot.
Busyness is a trustworthy way to fit into a society that praises and expects it.
Busyness is my drug of choice and it will kill my dreams if I let it.
Christine O