REPEATING PATTERN (CHILDHOOD)

Exploding daddy-Monster.
Frozen terror within.
Repeat the cycle again.
Living with a volcano.
Frozen terror within.
When will it erupt again?

Living with a volcano.
I hate the volcano.
When will it erupt again?
Impossible to predict.
I hate the volcano.
Mom gets drunk again.

Impossible to predict.
Parents fight all the time.
Mom gets drunk again.
Another round of gaslighting.
Parents fight all the time.
I try to keep the peace.

Another round of gaslighting.
I try to please my parents.
I try to keep the peace.
I’m more adult than my parents.
I try to please my parents.
Get bullied at school.

I’m more adult than my parents.
Scream a little.
Get bullied at school.
I can’t escape.
Scream a little.
Daddy-Monster explodes again.

I can’t escape.
Receive a backhanded compliment.
Daddy-Monster explodes again.
Take it out on the football field.
Receive a backhanded compliment.
Slam a door.

Take it out on the football field.
Receive another slap.
Slam a door.
Run away for an hour or two.
Receive another slap.
Tear off my shirt.

Run away for an hour or two.
I try to be invisible.
Tear off my shirt.
Hear the explosive profanity.
I try to be invisible.
Live in my head.

Hear the explosive profanity.
Mom drives drunk again.
Live in my head.
I need the volcano.
Mom drives drunk again.
Daddy-Monster destroys a gift.

I need the volcano.
Nervous anticipation.
Daddy-Monster destroys a gift.
Exploding daddy-Monster.
Nervous anticipation.
Repeat the cycle again.

– Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)