Insights are a blessing. Catching on to how I’ve done my best—however silly that may look now, looking back, preparing myself to complete Step Five—isn’t that a breeze that lifts my kite! If I am honest, really honest, my heart is filled to overflowing with—of all things!—self-compassion!
Whatever odd-ball, quirky, crazy things I did, whatever lies and fantasies I schooled myself to live out in this world—it was my warrior/diplomat/mask-wearing “doing my best,” little guy who ran the show, even if it turned out to be a tragedy instead of a family comedy. That little kid-me was in deep water without a surfboard. I was, after all, just a baby when I was born. I needed parenting, but no, I had to “wing it” on my own.
I did the best I could is the truth, no matter what that turns out to be. It got me here.
I visual the whole crowd of inner selves who show up around my inner campfire to discuss “admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being . . .”; Step Five stuff.
I called this meeting, so I thank them all for showing up. It’s quite a crowd! My angry critical judge is here to shame me, pointing out how sneaky and dishonest I am, deep down. My defiant teenager. My surly but in charge adult.
Over there, barely in the firelight, there’s a toddler-me we all are supposed to make sure is okay.
Somebody needs to pick up that kid!
Now as the fire really catches on, the light and warmth flare up, includes us all. We see each other in this warm, inclusive light. We realize we are all just parts of the authentic me that called us here—to be together finally.
That’s when we smile.
We all reach for that kid we care for and protect—our child-self loves us, respects us, obeys, and sees us as the family that we are. If we keep the fire, and stop fighting we can understand and love each other.
That’s what I have to admit if I am honest.
KATHLEEN S.