Inventory – Dreaded Inventory

A searching and fearless moral inventory? 
With lots of fear and trepidation. 
I don’t like the word fearless; it’s not true. 
I’ll use the word courageous instead. 

Whose inventory? Those who harmed me? 
After all, they are at fault. 
My parents, my coworkers, the toxic theologians. 
Yes, I have lots of energy to do their inventories. 

My parents’ inventory: 
part of my inventory, 
but not the whole thing. 
Do I have a part in my own dysregulation? 

What about the guy who violated my anonymity 
in a 12-step meeting long ago? 
I could do his inventory. 
But that’s his stuff, not mine. 

I could list other’s faults all day long. 
In fact, I often do – in my mind. 
After all, they are in the wrong. 
But am I missing something? 

Oh, my character traits. 
But it’s not my fault. 
I was set up. 
Now I remember the word “blameless”. 

So, I don’t blame myself. 
I don’t blame my parents, 
though they are at fault. 
I don’t blame others. 

I simply speak the truth. 
Without blame, without grudges. 
Oh, grudges – sweet grudges. 
I’m an expert at grudges. 

But I only hold grudges 
against those who deserve them. 
Oops, there’s my friend, blame, again. 
Write grudges on my inventory. 

What about the coworker I retaliated against? 
He deserved it; the snake had it coming. 
But I retaliated; sounds like my inventory. 
Then he bit back. But that’s his stuff, not mine. 

What about the toxic theologians 
and all their self-righteous judgmental sludge? 
What about the harm 
they brought to me and to others? 

Oops, once again. 
Their sludge belongs to them. 
My response to them is my stuff. 
My obsession with them is my stuff. 

How do I tackle this massive project? 
There’s the Laundry List, 
the Other Laundry List, 
the Workplace Laundry List. 

Enough to keep me busy for a while. 
Then there’s the Big Red Book 
and all the other ACA literature. 
There’s also feedback from others. 
Enough to keep me busy for a lifetime. 

One more thing to remember: 
All the stuff I’ve done right. 
All the growth I’ve experienced. 
The healthy relationships in my life. 
Every time I own my stuff. 
My attitudes and actions and thoughts. 
These too are part of my inventory. 


– Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)