Looking in a mirror I see:
a battered man,
born into family violence,
the violence of generations.
I see a man
who somehow survived
the violence of infancy.
I see a man
who had grown accustomed
to the terror of being
daddy-Monster’s punching bag.
I see a man
who grew up thinking
that family violence was normal,
who believed that he somehow
deserved the violence.
I see a man
whose mother didn’t protect him;
she couldn’t even acknowledge the violence –
except when she was drunk.
I see a man
who when he was ten,
chose to shun alcohol for life
because he didn’t want to become
like daddy-Monster.
I see a man
who escaped into his schoolwork
and found some success there.
I see a man
who was unprepared for early adulthood,
without a viable foundation for life,
who upon leaving home
found a second dysfunctional family –
ruled by toxic theologians.
I see a man
who trusted the wrong people,
malevolent “brothers” from the church/cult,
and suffered the agony of extreme betrayal.
I see a man
who was brought up
to be a victim,
and who has chosen
to become a loving warrior.
I see a warrior
who refuses to give up,
who has consistently chosen
to struggle forward.
I see a warrior
who chooses to confront
the most dreadful adversaries of all:
fears and insecurities,
messages from long ago,
learned helplessness,
and inner attitudes
which would otherwise conquer him.
I see a warrior
who chose to pursue recovery,
and who chose to seek healthy ways
to process his legitimate anger.
I see a warrior
who chose courage
to seek needed help
and to trust provisionally.
I see a warrior
who betrayed family secrets,
which then loosened their grip
over time.
I see a warrior
who stood up
to workplace bullies,
and who sometimes paid the price.
I see a warrior
who has chosen
to pursue courageous peace
whenever possible.
I see a warrior
who has chosen
to help others rescue children
living in a dump or exploited by traffickers.
I see a warrior
who waited till his forties
to marry and start a family,
who chose to first work his own healing.
I see a warrior
who has conquered
generational violence,
who has not carried it forward.
I see a warrior who grieves,
having lost both his brothers
to self-destruction,
and he understands.
I see a warrior
who has walked through Hell-on-Earth
and has climbed out of Bottomless-Pit.
And he still climbs.
I see a warrior
who chooses small victories today
before big dreams tomorrow,
who knows that small victories
are big victories in disguise.
I see a warrior
who has chosen to write his story,
and who hopes to share healing
with other trampled hearts.
I see a warrior
battered, still fighting,
with more victories than defeats,
engaged in his chosen daily challenges.
I see:
Healing Heart Warrior,
the Hero
of my journey.
– Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)
4/23/22