I Matter, I’m Whole, And I Am Never Alone

Living in the “if onlys” and “someday whens” I was always looking for something, someone, or someplace that would give me peace.

Just as my alcoholic father and enabling mother, I was on a deadly continuum. I have primary addictive reactions that get me high or low, fixing, enabling, controlling from a fear base. My secondary addiction, compulsive eating, numbs the emotional distress and perpetuates the Game of Dissociation, burying my inner child in shame and abandoning her just as my parents abandoned me. The Game becomes a roller coaster merry-go-round of insanity.

Working the Traits book with a Fellow Traveler brought a new clarity.

The internal drug store runs the show and outside drugs perpetuate the Game. If I choose a substance, I open the door to darkness - away from HP, my inner child, my loving parent, my true self; I open the internal drug store of guilt, remorse, shame and abandonment.

Today I choose to get off the merry-go-round and face my feelings, however painful or ugly they may be. They are mine and they are real. Thank you, HP and ACA.