Step Four: Values in action defines me! I can say, “I value honesty.” What strategies do I use to show I am committed to being honest? Faced with a choice between saying “I don’t agree,” and, for example, changing the subject or not responding to someone who I fear is likely to get angry if opposed, what do I do?
“Serenity” is also a value! Step Four is an opportunity to review not just what matters to me, but what matters most, in practice. What I do—or have done—in practice day-by-day is the story of my life so far. I become self-responsible when I see how I have juggled my priorities, if I have. I can change behaviors in the present; even though I cannot change the past!
“Survival” (security) is a value that’s instinctive. My strategy for taking care of myself already exists—or I would not be here! I give myself credit for having lived to be here now. I am grateful for this day. If I have sacrificed honesty in situations where my priority was, ‘don’t get hurt’ or ‘don’t get caught and punished,’ when I inventory in Step Four my goal is clarity. With clarity my self-compassion grows. Choices open up.
KATHLEEN S.