My broken-hearted savior..I'm the bruised Reed groveling at your holy feet, on the tares I chose to feed..ignoring golden wheat.
When you see the man grow and get a little fame, give him a number, forget his name.. fail to ever again treat him the same. Look hard and long in the mirror..who's the one who really changed?
If I ask to look eye to eye are you too damn busy and pass me on by? Can't stand the liberation from a self-imposed hell? What happened to the friend you knew so well?
Got nothing but pity for you crackpot fool..gotta drag you through the mud to prove I'm cool. Ignorance kryptonite not received in any school.
The only way in Heaven you'll ever do is if I can look with derision and pity you. If the God you love fills vessel with light..that never cease to shine. You don't mean a thing if I can't make you mine. I liked you much better in the dark of night.
Death becomes you pitiful friend..can't stand new life that just won't end..To see you smile cuts soul deep lethal knife.. sharp blade break but it don't bend.
When the outhouse goes straight up in flames.. in quick time..stop dead on a dime these foolish games. Rising up strong and vibrant from the pit I'd fell, couldn't stand the liberation of a self-imposed hell. What happened to the friend I knew so well?
The brand new you I couldn't stand to see..despise to the core happy joyous free..reminds me of all I refuse to be.. hard cold steel eyes never open to see. Pass the pipe and the bottle let's forget about me.
Repulsed to the marrow at the horrid sight..look in these eyes make you wanna fight ..the man that finally found his place..never slay the giants we refuse to face.
This was written to communicate the trajectory of my recovery..the pain of discovering that certain people who were in my life..in "my corner"..that were turning on me or abandoning me..grew ever acute.
What I had experienced in life was a discomfort with people that were genuinely joyous ‘n free..especially emotionally. I often considered them weak and pitiful and secretly desired that they were as miserable as was I. I rarely maintained any long-term close connections with such people. I have discovered in awakening of the Divine Spark and recovery..many of my "friends " are distancing themselves.
That I believe to be their experience..which can't and won't validate or invalidate me. I cannot consider lost that which was never genuinely mine. If I have to control and pity another, I don't deserve to be called or considered a friend.