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The Healing Adult And The Child Within

by | Apr 1, 2022 | ACA And The Arts, ComLine

The maimed child within:
terrified,
paralyzed with fear.

Forced to trust daddy-Monster
who’s unstable and dangerous –
unpredictably explosive.

Forced to trust bitter battered mom,
who gave him birth,
who’s drunk,
slurring her speech,
unable/unwilling to protect herself
or her children –
an accessory to the abuse.
She protects the lies.

One certainty:
Exploding daddy-Monster.
Unpredictable violence.
Expecting violence.
Helpless against the violence.

The child within:
Angry at the injustice.
Confused by the blame.
Falsely accused,
falsely convicted
in the gaslit court of
daddy-Monster.

No defender.
No defense –
though he’s innocent.

Sentenced to 18 years
of unpredictable, yet certain, violence.
Then to the halfway house
of religious abuse.

The innocent child within:
Angry at Creator
who abandoned him
to the “care” of
daddy-Monster.

The child within:
Hiding his heart.
All alone.
Trusting no one.
Hopelessly trapped.
No chance of rescue.
All alone.

The healing adult:
His body healthy.
His heart maimed.
He bears up the best he can.
The wound invisible,
sometimes raw,
always inexpressible.

The healing adult:
Grieving his two brothers
who never healed.
One lived recklessly
and died in a car wreck.
The other died by suicide.
They both started out
totally innocent.

The healing adult:
Grieving the generational violence
perpetrated by his guilty ancestors.
They also started out
totally innocent –
their trauma never healed,
never resolved,
never integrated.

The healing adult knows this:
He will love and carry
the injured innocent child
in his wounded heart for life.

He will support, nurture, and love
the injured innocent child.
He will listen to the heart of the child,
the battered child who cannot trust.

I am the wounded child within.
I am the healing adult.
I am the developing adult.
I am my own loving parent.

I choose courage and humility to seek needed help.
I choose to share my heart with trustworthy souls.
I choose to risk facing and feeling and telling the truth.
I choose to betray my parents’ lies.

I choose to write my trauma.
I choose to write my healing.
I choose to write poorly
when I cannot write well.

I choose to feel, and not bury, my emotions.
I choose to find healthy ways to process my anger.
I learn to disengage from rage – within and without.
I choose the peace my parents never chose.

I choose to place myself in healing environments.
I choose to seek progress and growth.
I choose the loving warrior mindset.
I choose the upward spiral.

I choose to give and serve and love.
I choose to delay gratification.
I choose to trust – provisionally.
I choose to think for myself.

I choose to continue my healing journey.
I choose to allow others the power of their own choices.
I choose physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
I choose to step forward today.

Healing Heart Warrior (Tom M.)

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