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The Better Triangle

by | Jun 1, 2022 | ACA Boundaries, ComLine

I’m good. . . I’m blameless. . . I know I’m right. Where have I seen those phrases? They are from the Drama Triangle in the Traits Workbook. I saw myself. I would jump from Rescuer, trying to help someone because I did not know the difference between love and pity; to Victim, when I over extended myself and wouldn’t go through hoops; and on to Persecutor, when I finally got the nerve to speak up for myself. Once I spoke my truth, a typical response would be rejection, then me getting angry, feeling abandoned, and the coup de grace, “Look how you made me feel!” Self rescue. Whoa! Back full circle to Victim. There are no winners on the Drama Triangle, and no way off, because without recovery, Adult children operate from their wounded self. What a way to live, and yet this was the story of my fear-based life before coming into ACA. 

Whether it’s a volunteer position, or a relationship, sometimes I need to decide between taking care of myself or literally enabling a cause or a person. When I discovered there was a way to integrate my traits, here was a new triangle, for not merely existing and navigating yet another conflict, but actually living life. 

When I feel my boundaries are in jeopardy, now, instead of sulking into victim mode, I am vulnerable and risk asking for what I need; instead of persecuting, I communicate my position non-judgmentally; instead of trying to rescue, I allow others their path. The result, hopefully, is that everyone involved feels like their voice has been heard, and even if there is no meeting of the minds, there is respect, yielding, and acceptance. 

My goal is to always stay off the Drama triangle. It’s tricky, if I am not in tip top spiritual shape. Prayer, writing, reading, meetings, and sharing are my healing and building tools. In recovery, the more the love grows inside me, the more time I find myself on the better Triangle.

Mary H

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