Loneliness

I realized lately that my parents did not have friends when I was growing up.
Their relationship was adversarial at best. 
No modeling of a loving relationship, or modeling about having friends. 
No wonder I have had some difficulties with those! 

I moved away from them and all that
when I realized my divorce would probably never finalize 
with me still there to be the target for the ex-husband. 
I had burned out working in high-tech, and just knew I needed space.

I moved to a small town where I knew no one.
And picked a place about 10 miles out of town. My sanctuary. 

I tried to make friends for many years.
Maybe I was just too prickly for that to work. Needed more recovery. 

Covid and Buy Nothing, a group on Facebook, surprisingly connected me with humanity. 
First I gave things away by meeting others in town.
Then for larger things, they needed to pick them up. I needed to disclose my location.
People came out to where I live. 

I had to let go of the boundary I’d held for 20 years, of no one knowing where I lived. 
People were nice, exchanges were kind. There are people in the world who are kind.
More kind than my parents, brothers, or ex was. It was confusing. I have made a few friends.

Also, online meetings blossomed because of COVID.
What a wonderful thing! Especially for someone with ridiculous allergies.
I have meetings, book studies, and fellow travelers I meet with - that I met online. 
It became a global thing! I meet people all over the world now! So incredible! 

I am settling into this new life. My life. My life in recovery. My path!

Lena L