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Numb No More

by | Jan 31, 2022 | ComLine, Voices of Recovery

When I entered recovery over two years ago, the left side of my body felt numb. There was nothing medically wrong with me.  I was dissociated from my body. Slowly, I began to recapture feeling by doing dance.

Recently, I went to a dance class and found the room was empty.

 At some point I realized that the whole big dance room was for me. Only for me. I could not accept it. I was very scared. Then I remembered how  the door to my room was never closed and everyone how was passing by to the toilet observed me. I had no privacy. I never had my own space. I never felt safe in my home. I had no room.

I told that to my teacher. And then I told myself: "yes, this big dance room with many mirrors is for you. It is for you only". After that I felt energy and I felt something different in the left part of my body. The left part became strong. It became very strong. I felt the left and the right parts equally. It was very astonishing. I kept the feeling. I am about to cry now. I prayed for the wholeness the last several months. I feel as if a surgeon puts together (sews with a thread) two parts of my body. And these two parts are becoming a body, a whole body.

I walk differently. I feel strength in the left part. When I was walking to an ACA meeting my left part was uncomfortable, with some pain even. It was moaning about neglect it had. I think my little girl is connected somehow to the left part (or maybe she lives there). I said to my left part I understood the suffering it had. If it liked, it could moan and feel unwell for any time. I recognized and validated the sufferings of the left part. 

Even my voice was very confident at the meeting tonight.

I prayed before going to bed. I feel different. I feel my left part almost as I feel the right part. I have two parts coming together. 

It's a real miracle. I do exist, with equal parts. I can get what I want. I do have my own space, room, dance room. I can buy any food my little girl wants. 

My left part is strong.  I should follow God and listen to Him and my soul. 

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