Rigidity vs Flexibility - Being strict or rigid does not fill the bill for an adult child. All adult children have different backgrounds and experiences with dysfunctional behaviors in our lives. Look at the Laundry List. There are 14 different traits that we adult children deal with every day of our lives. Some may experience a few and some may experience all of them. Some experience them on a daily basis and some recognize them periodically.
Discounting vs Awareness - Not hearing what the adult child is not saying makes it difficult to hear their truth. They may not be able to express those deep thoughts for now. We listen to adult children without judgment and become aware that there are certain things to deal with that are easier than others. Being able to discern things with each adult child differently helps to maintain a fairness to each adult child and not get stuck in a “must do” attitude.
Intensity vs Kindness - Creating stress in an adult child washes out anything that an adult child needs to be learning. An open mind and open heart weakens the need of an adult child to run away, shut down, and give up on themselves. Treating an adult child as we would want to be treated can lessen any fears or anxieties that an adult child will experience getting into the core issues an adult child deals with.
As an ACA Sponsor it is my hope to be loving and caring, and to support an adult child working the program, especially working the steps. Common consideration and being courteous is how I like to treat my sponsees. I rely on my ability to be flexible, have good awareness of the needs of the adult child and be kind and caring with those I agree to share my experience, strength and hope with.
With Loving Kindness,
Toni P