There is a fine line in the sand
Walking a tightrope
Learning to juggle one egg at a time
Walking on a frozen river
Being aware of the delicate water
The faded line on the beach
It sometimes can move from the waves washing ashore
I can forget where the line was
Slowly dipping my toes in the ocean
One foot at a time
Uncertain when the bottom will drop
Not the best swimmer
Tiptoeing
Inching
Prayer for Nature to guide me
My thinking is cloudy like a rainy, storming day
Oh help me Higher Power
The disease has a grip on me
I think I can swim well
But deep down, I know I cannot
Almost drowned in Crane Creek
You sent the love of another to save me
Just in time
Building a beautiful fence
Enclosed with a lavish gate
Able to come in and go out
Available to whom I choose to let in
Careful Tamara,
Sometimes we leave the gate open
Not knowing what or who to expect
It is easy to slip into the desire to be desired
The fear of abandonment runs deep in your tissues.
Connection to Recovery:
The Laundry List traits are near and dear to my soul. I gravitate towards people-pleasing in order to not feel abandonment. I want to rescue other people and when I do that, I am abandoning myself. If I am not focused on myself, my focus is on others; attempting to manipulate and control them so they make me feel sane, safe, and secure (which is all distorted thinking). I can only be honest about these things because I am stepping out of denial. I am speaking my truth. It is important for me to maintain boundaries with myself and others. All healing starts with me.
Tamara P.